MARRIAGE IN THE MIDDLE AGES IN THE NORDIC COUNTRIES

Marriage and the family structure
Marriages usually lasted until the death of either of the spouses. Because the men were generally noticeably older than their wives were, there were plenty of widows around in the medieval society. However, these widows ordinarily soon remarried. On the other hand, women often died during childbirth, so a lot of the men were married more than once in their lifetime. This is why family patterns could become quite confusing, because there may have been children of various ages and of several marriages in the family. On many occasions the father’s new bride was considerably younger than the oldest of the children. When the head of the family died, the young widow might have chosen to be married to an old widower who also had children from several earlier marriages.
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Tying the knot
There were four law-defined stages one had to take into consideration before entering matrimony, carrying it into effect and making it official.

1. The Proposal
After a man had found himself a suitable bride, whom he intended to marry, he first had to consult his family. If the family had no objections, the groom arrived in the house of the girl he intended to marry to ask for her hand in marriage. The groom had to have with him a so-called spokesman who could be either the groom’s friend or a close relative. The spokesman’s duty was to speak on behalf of the groom about the financial background and sincerity of the groom. However, it was the groom who had to ask the girl’s parents for her hand in marriage. The girl’s consent had no significance; she hadn’t necessarily even seen her future husband before the wedding.

The guardian of the bride i.e. her parents or the closest living relative acted as matchmakers. Firstly, the families of the groom and the bride agreed on the financial arrangements as well as what kind of a dowry the daughter would receive and what kinds of presents the groom in his turn would bring to the bride and her family. If they reached an agreement in their negotiations, the engagement followed.
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2. The Engagement
The engagement ceremony was held in the bride’s home and the groom, the bride and her guardians as well as 4-12 law-required witnesses of both of the families were present. After the bride had got engaged in the presence of these witnesses, she could no longer get engaged to anyone else.

At the engagement ceremony the guardians of the groom and the bride had to publicly repeat, what had been agreed about the presents and the dowry during the proposal. The groom gave his presents to the family of the bride and the agreement was made official with a handshake. After that the feasting began.

However, it was possible to dissolve the engagement. Naturally, the part requesting for the dissolution had to give back the presents and pay a fine and compensations to the innocent party. Furthermore, they had to give testimony that the rejected party was not physically or mentally disabled and that there were no immoralities associated.
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3. The Act of Marriage
After the engagement the process of entering into matrimony could only proceed towards one direction which was the act of marriage i.e. the ceremony where the bride was surrendered to the groom. According to the law only one year and one day at most could pass between the engagement and the surrendering of the bride. The parents and the close relatives of the bride had to be informed of the ceremony at least six weeks beforehand. The agreement of marriage could no longer be dissolved after the day the surrendering took place.

At the day of the surrender the groom and his party arrived in the home of the bride. The law pacified both this journey and the bride’s home during this act, which meant that the groom and his party had to give up their arms and saddles when entering the bride’s home.

After the first tankard of beer either the groom or a member of his party requested that the bride be surrendered to the groom. Then the bride’s parents led her to sit beside the groom on a bride bench. The guardian of the bride held a surrender speech and joined the hands of the bride into the hands of the groom announcing to surrender her to the groom. The privileges and obligations of the wife were also specified to her in this context. These included mutual loyalty, the wife’s right to the locks and keys of the house i.e. her duties in housekeeping and her right to a third of the husband’s possessions. The person holding the speech also gave the bride her dowry.

After the act of marriage had taken place the groom along with his bride and party got back their arms and saddles and the bridal party rode towards the house of the groom where a great wedding celebration was about to take place.
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4. The Wedding Celebration
The wedding celebration took place at the groom’s home. At the celebration a friend of the groom guaranteed in behalf of the groom that the law-required third of the groom’s possessions as well as a third of his future possessions would actually as of that moment belong to the bride.

In a given moment during the wedding celebration the newly-weds were taken to the bridal room were they would lie themselves on the bed. They were covered and then the bridal party left. It wasn’t until after the wedding night that the judicial marriage actually began and all the marital agreements took effect.

In spite of the church’s central position in the medieval society, the influence the church had in marital affairs was nevertheless rather trivial. However, during the 13^th and 14^th Century the church started reacting negatively to entering matrimony without the consent of the church. Marriage blessed by the church enhanced the respectability of the matrimony and those who rejected it were prohibited from the Holy Communion. Still the church wedding didn’t become commonplace until in the 15^th Century.
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Dissolving the Marriage
It was difficult and almost impossible to legally dissolve a marriage. The only acceptable reasons for cancelling a marriage were verifiable incest i.e. relations with one’s blood-relative and furthermore in case the marriage has never been carried into effect i.e. the wife was still an untouched virgin.

Incest was understood very broadly in the Middle Ages. Blood-relatives did not only include the respective parents of the husband and wife, their siblings and all the way up to their 6^th cousins, but through the marriage also all the relatives and godparents of the spouse became blood-relatives with whom it was not proper to have relations.

The poorer part of the society lived in a freer atmosphere in relation to marriage than the bourgeois and the nobility. The virginity before matrimony which was presupposed by the church was not of primary importance and dissolving the marriage was easier as well. The rural marital traditions were more influenced by the local customs and habits than the philosophical and financial arguments of the nobility.
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The Choices of Marriage
An honourable woman had exactly two choices in life, namely marriage or convent. In the convents there certainly were nuns with very strong spiritual calling. However, the calling of many of the nuns was further enhanced by the terrifying alternative they would face in their everyday lives i.e. marriage with a violent, drunken or otherwise repulsive candidate of a husband. The convents offered silence as well as protection from the gazes of the people, which seemed an attractive option to the women, who knew they were ineligible for marriage i.e. they had lost their virginity before the wedding night.

Men had also their monasteries, even though they didn’t need to resort to an ascetic life out of the fear of marriage. Men were not only attracted to the monasteries by their spiritual calling but also by the possibility of subsistence through vocational training. The life of a monk was nevertheless rather protected and safe. Their maintenance might have been scanty at times but still it was provided for them.

A woman, who wasn’t a nun, a wife or a widow, was in a bad position. Unless she had a family, church or a husband to look after her or unless she had as a widow inherited her husband’s possessions or position, she was quite vulnerable and frankly a social outcast. The streets, the inns and the baths provided the opportunity to practice the disrespected profession of a prostitute. Nevertheless, it did give some kind of subsistence for at least a while.
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